Hi Mark, Happy for your declaration but don’t feel guilty if every “first time without her” (Easter, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas…) doesn’t send a new wave crashing over you. Just know that all the blessings you enumerate in your lovely message remain true, and a great Love surrounds you always.
Thanks Steve, those are the rough waters I'm getting braced for, but there will continue to be those unexpected "sucker punches" of emotions, as well. Such as at the gym. Emily and I had introduced ourselves to a woman in her early sixties a couple times right before she went on Hospice. I saw Jean five days ago after my couple weeks out of town. She gave me a nice "Hi," and with all the optimism in the world asked, "So, how's Emily doing?" When I told her that Emily had died the first week of March - she only stopped crying a couple minutes after I gave this acquaintance one of my best hugs. She was devastated and more than anything, I was touched by the level of sorrow she expressed after meeting Emily and talking to her for no more than ten minutes - TOTAL!
Mark, your posts are so touching and they honor us by your generosity in sharing this experience through your writing. Thinking of you and sending wishes for sparkles of peace, here and there. You mention Emily "making her presence known" and "help from beyond." Cannot wait to hear about that! Many blessings to you.
"So many mourners would give anything to have had a five-minute conversation or reckoning with a loved one before they departed." It's one of the hardest things about grief. So many words left unsaid, questions left unanswered, mysteries left unsolved. Your writing helps you, Mark, and it helps us, as well.
Disclaimer - There is very little that is actually unique to my loss or grief. This and my recent posts are merely one person’s take on an experience that is unfortunately a normal part of life. My hopes are that sharing my perspective might help lighten the load of at least one person down the road.
Every grief IS unique. ❤️ Each of us has a different perspective, memories, and relationship with our loved ones. Two people will love the exact same person completely differently. It is okay to sit with this uniqueness, to know you don't have to grieve less because of the world burning. Whether you wish to grieve alone, or in community, you owe no one explanations. Grief isn't a "it could be worse" situation; grief is a "this is my worse" and facing the absence that is forever more in new and old memories. So, if you think your ship gets "off course again," it may be your consciousness telling you to take a separate way. In the words of Moana, "Sometimes you have to get lost to find your way."
There's a lot of wisdom, and I suspect experience reflected here within your comments Joelle - I very much Thank you.
Though you are clearly correct, and I love your quote by Moana, at times I feel as if I'm hosting my own pity party which is certainly NOT my intent. When I downplayed the uniqueness of my grieving, I had started to compare my loss to other people I've known who have lost young children to cancer or tragic accidents, or family members lost to drug abuse or suicide. On a large scale, there are so many common themes within our grief. On a small scale, or magnified, there are countless differences as you aptly point out.
I most sincerely appreciate "you don't have to grieve less because of the world burning." I've been in such big hurry to get back to work because as Woody Guthry said - the world needs so much fixin." Thanks for reminding me that it's OK to work on fixing me first.
Hi Mark, Happy for your declaration but don’t feel guilty if every “first time without her” (Easter, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas…) doesn’t send a new wave crashing over you. Just know that all the blessings you enumerate in your lovely message remain true, and a great Love surrounds you always.
Thanks Steve, those are the rough waters I'm getting braced for, but there will continue to be those unexpected "sucker punches" of emotions, as well. Such as at the gym. Emily and I had introduced ourselves to a woman in her early sixties a couple times right before she went on Hospice. I saw Jean five days ago after my couple weeks out of town. She gave me a nice "Hi," and with all the optimism in the world asked, "So, how's Emily doing?" When I told her that Emily had died the first week of March - she only stopped crying a couple minutes after I gave this acquaintance one of my best hugs. She was devastated and more than anything, I was touched by the level of sorrow she expressed after meeting Emily and talking to her for no more than ten minutes - TOTAL!
Emily could do that to a person.
Thanks for sharing your feelings that must be so tender right now. Take care.
Tender, yes, but there's a little scar tissue developing. Thanks Diana.
Just beautifully said and shared.❤️🩹
You're so kind, Susan,
It did come from a deep place. There is a follow-up in the works, and I dare say that Emily has been busy.
I hope life is treating you well. Take care, Mark
"- so much of the grieving process is out of my control, but that’s not to say that I can’t nudge the helm of the ship."
Inspired words, Mark. It's good to try but important to realize that it is a long process. Bless you, brother.
Thank you - Jim
Clean through my heart. This is what makes us human, the good and the sad. I’m thinking of you, brother.
Thanks Switter
Mark, your posts are so touching and they honor us by your generosity in sharing this experience through your writing. Thinking of you and sending wishes for sparkles of peace, here and there. You mention Emily "making her presence known" and "help from beyond." Cannot wait to hear about that! Many blessings to you.
Thanks Jeanne. The upcoming piece will be a particular challenge for a number of reasons - so don't you go holding your breath - OK?
Hi Mark. Appreciate you sharing with us. We are helped all around.
"So many mourners would give anything to have had a five-minute conversation or reckoning with a loved one before they departed." It's one of the hardest things about grief. So many words left unsaid, questions left unanswered, mysteries left unsolved. Your writing helps you, Mark, and it helps us, as well.
Thank you, Sharon, for sharing the insight gained through your own loss.
Even with a year to say "goodbye," I still come up with things I wished I'd said or asked.
Disclaimer - There is very little that is actually unique to my loss or grief. This and my recent posts are merely one person’s take on an experience that is unfortunately a normal part of life. My hopes are that sharing my perspective might help lighten the load of at least one person down the road.
Every grief IS unique. ❤️ Each of us has a different perspective, memories, and relationship with our loved ones. Two people will love the exact same person completely differently. It is okay to sit with this uniqueness, to know you don't have to grieve less because of the world burning. Whether you wish to grieve alone, or in community, you owe no one explanations. Grief isn't a "it could be worse" situation; grief is a "this is my worse" and facing the absence that is forever more in new and old memories. So, if you think your ship gets "off course again," it may be your consciousness telling you to take a separate way. In the words of Moana, "Sometimes you have to get lost to find your way."
There's a lot of wisdom, and I suspect experience reflected here within your comments Joelle - I very much Thank you.
Though you are clearly correct, and I love your quote by Moana, at times I feel as if I'm hosting my own pity party which is certainly NOT my intent. When I downplayed the uniqueness of my grieving, I had started to compare my loss to other people I've known who have lost young children to cancer or tragic accidents, or family members lost to drug abuse or suicide. On a large scale, there are so many common themes within our grief. On a small scale, or magnified, there are countless differences as you aptly point out.
I most sincerely appreciate "you don't have to grieve less because of the world burning." I've been in such big hurry to get back to work because as Woody Guthry said - the world needs so much fixin." Thanks for reminding me that it's OK to work on fixing me first.