When my daughter lived in 'Dogpatch' in San Francisco, the neighborhood started experiencing a string of street robberies. People were being jumped as they walked to the local grocery or went about their day. The Hells Angels have a club in Dogpatch. It wasn't far from where she lived.
Perhaps your first thought as you read the above might have been that the Hells Angels were responsible. After all, they are lumped into 'that group'.
But you would be wrong. The members of the Hells Angels protected their neighbors, setting up around the streets and making sure there were no more attacks. One of the members followed my daughter home from her trip to the store so she wouldn't have to worry. He made sure she was safely back inside before riding off with that unique Harley sound you described.
In the story I posted last week I talked about the man who took 20 minutes out of his day to walk my husband and me to the museum in Balboa Park. He was really kind and generous. What I didn't mention in my story was that he was covered with tattoos, clearly visible because he wore a sleeveless t-shirt. Why not mention it? Because the story was about his kindness, not about the labels someone might attach to him. The tattoos had nothing to do with whether he was kind or not. But the mention of them might have influenced readers. Perhaps if we stop attaching labels to others we can begin to remove the stigmas attached to them.
Thanks, Heather, for your comments, the heart-warming stories, and especially for touching the issue of when to include defining characteristics that are so often used to reinforce or challenge commonly held prejudices. That's a tough nut to crack.
One of the reasons I love interacting with random people is that I'm so often surprised by what I encounter - in a good way. I pass on the tale when it's unlikely to reinforce stereotypes. Sometimes even if I'm not personally surprised, I feel the stories might have value to those who have never interacted with particular types of marginalized people.
I currently have two friends that I've ridden with (them on their Harleys) and neither of them fit the classic look that I described, and they're great guys. I also rode with the American Legion Riders when I lived in Upstate NY and I was one of three oddballs among about fifty Harleys. My goal in writing the piece was to suggest that we rarely lose anything when we "give people the benefit of the doubt," and that we could be slower to throw people into baskets regardless of how convenient they might be.
It is indeed a challenge to convey via story that someone who's prone to marginalization by our society is essentially like the rest of us, without first pointing out the distinguishing aspect that makes them so vulnerable to discrimination in the first place.
BTW - I will have to check out your post from last week - it sounds rich.
I love the way your post has opened up a wider discussion of related emphases, Mark. Every reader is so thoughtful. "It is indeed a challenge to convey via story that someone who's prone to marginalization by our society is essentially like the rest of us, without first pointing out the distinguishing aspect that makes them so vulnerable to discrimination in the first place." This pivotal point was crystal clear, I believe to all of your readers. Excellent work.
Hi Sharon, I think Heather made a couple of very important points that I didn't touch in my original post because to do so would have weakened the subtle point I was trying to make (to a subset of my readers). If you have the time, please check out my response to her comments. I think all three of us are on the same page. My overall blog goal is to take away the power of labels.
It is good to have some curiosity about people. Opening up to the possibility that another person may have a thought or a concern worth listening to, instead of immediately judging them on surface characteristics, including contrasting preferences about a lot of issues.
PS I'm familiar with both rice burners and Harleys. Did some long distance riding in my younger days (not actually driving them myself - except the dirt bike my dad let me have until I got too many burns from the muffler). I remember being amused at the blockades for missile testing at White Sands - totally different treatment when in an 18 wheel truck, in an RV or on a motorcycle. Same people every time but the differences in how we were treated was enormous.
Thanks, Deborah, for stressing an important angle - " Opening up to the possibility that another person may have a thought or a concern worth listening to, instead of immediately judging them on surface characteristics." The general challenge that I touched on in this post is complicated and your second paragraph adds a new dimension. The different treatment you described at White Sands is really amusing if it weren't so true - and I get it.
You have chosen a brilliant metaphor here, Mark. It perfectly clarifies the point that "loyalty to almost any group entails putting on blinders which protect the member from alien thoughts or different ways of thinking." Excellent!
Wow, Mark! Your post and Shannon's both hit my email within 10 minutes of each other today and you both wrote about motorcycles and our interconnectedness. Here's a link to her post today, I love what she writes at her Substack, called Unapologetic Old Bitch, hope you will enjoy it too. I dunno, maybe you already read her.
A long, long time ago my boyfriend and I took a trip on a Honda 400 from California to Calgary, Canada for the stampede. You, Shannon and I have a love of motorcycles in common.
Oh, one more thing, one of my sons is a very talented motorcycle tech.
Thanks so much for your comments and for introducing me to Shannon. You are so right. What a coincidence. Motorcycle connections imply a few other connections. Wonderful that you got to take in lots of cross-country on that 400 Honda. Having a son who's a motorcycle tech could sure come in handy - if you're currently riding.
Rabbi Sharon Brous has her first book out, “The Amen Effect”. Many YouTube’s from TED talks and book tour. She discusses “tribal” thinking as a good thing (a congregation caring for one another) and the danger when the tribal walls grow too thick, as in Israel and Gaza. It’s not a new thought: the fate of the race and the planet depend on our making “our tribe” bigger and bigger until there are no walls at all.
So well put Steve. I especially like the "tribal walls grow too thick," way of looking at the challenge we face in moving forward. Thank you for sharing your insight and hers.
The Superbowl taught us that Kawasakis are mullet worthy: business in the front, party in the back. 🤣
I remember being about 20, and I was in retail. We rented tuxedos as part of it: I HATED tuxes. This was also when everyone was wearing grills. (You know, like how the hipsters wear fake glasses? They wore fake braces.)
Anyway, after a very long day, I was not thrilled to have to deal with yet another highschooler. He had a grill, and a look, and I judged him on my previous experiences.
He turned out to be one of the best people I ever interacted with, and that memory still haunts me, 20 years later.
I don't get out in the world much, but reading blogs and books has shown me the value of knowing both sides. There is still no guarantee I will like or approve of it, but I'm a better person - I hope! - for listening.
Thanks, Joelle. "Judging on previous experiences" - we all do it but becoming more aware that we're doing it is half the battle. The response is protective but trying to temporarily step outside it is always worth a try. Thank you very much for sharing!
Harleys in my very biased opinion are just louder, heavier and slower than most similarly priced motorcycles. They're like riding in an Oldsmobile. But if you've never been on a large motorcycle, it should be fun. You're only young once. I hopefully will be saying that til the day before I die.
Thank you so much Shannon for your support. Your list of "random" encounters is exactly the kind of surprises that make my day, week or month - especially the type where you met the Trumpster and found so much common ground. I'm certainly glad to have been sent your way by Susan. I look forward to following your writing as well.
When my daughter lived in 'Dogpatch' in San Francisco, the neighborhood started experiencing a string of street robberies. People were being jumped as they walked to the local grocery or went about their day. The Hells Angels have a club in Dogpatch. It wasn't far from where she lived.
Perhaps your first thought as you read the above might have been that the Hells Angels were responsible. After all, they are lumped into 'that group'.
But you would be wrong. The members of the Hells Angels protected their neighbors, setting up around the streets and making sure there were no more attacks. One of the members followed my daughter home from her trip to the store so she wouldn't have to worry. He made sure she was safely back inside before riding off with that unique Harley sound you described.
In the story I posted last week I talked about the man who took 20 minutes out of his day to walk my husband and me to the museum in Balboa Park. He was really kind and generous. What I didn't mention in my story was that he was covered with tattoos, clearly visible because he wore a sleeveless t-shirt. Why not mention it? Because the story was about his kindness, not about the labels someone might attach to him. The tattoos had nothing to do with whether he was kind or not. But the mention of them might have influenced readers. Perhaps if we stop attaching labels to others we can begin to remove the stigmas attached to them.
Thanks for bringing this topic to light, Mark.
Thanks, Heather, for your comments, the heart-warming stories, and especially for touching the issue of when to include defining characteristics that are so often used to reinforce or challenge commonly held prejudices. That's a tough nut to crack.
One of the reasons I love interacting with random people is that I'm so often surprised by what I encounter - in a good way. I pass on the tale when it's unlikely to reinforce stereotypes. Sometimes even if I'm not personally surprised, I feel the stories might have value to those who have never interacted with particular types of marginalized people.
I currently have two friends that I've ridden with (them on their Harleys) and neither of them fit the classic look that I described, and they're great guys. I also rode with the American Legion Riders when I lived in Upstate NY and I was one of three oddballs among about fifty Harleys. My goal in writing the piece was to suggest that we rarely lose anything when we "give people the benefit of the doubt," and that we could be slower to throw people into baskets regardless of how convenient they might be.
It is indeed a challenge to convey via story that someone who's prone to marginalization by our society is essentially like the rest of us, without first pointing out the distinguishing aspect that makes them so vulnerable to discrimination in the first place.
BTW - I will have to check out your post from last week - it sounds rich.
I love the way your post has opened up a wider discussion of related emphases, Mark. Every reader is so thoughtful. "It is indeed a challenge to convey via story that someone who's prone to marginalization by our society is essentially like the rest of us, without first pointing out the distinguishing aspect that makes them so vulnerable to discrimination in the first place." This pivotal point was crystal clear, I believe to all of your readers. Excellent work.
Thanks Sharron, you're very kind but that's not new news.
Beautifully said, Heather.
Hi Sharon, I think Heather made a couple of very important points that I didn't touch in my original post because to do so would have weakened the subtle point I was trying to make (to a subset of my readers). If you have the time, please check out my response to her comments. I think all three of us are on the same page. My overall blog goal is to take away the power of labels.
It is good to have some curiosity about people. Opening up to the possibility that another person may have a thought or a concern worth listening to, instead of immediately judging them on surface characteristics, including contrasting preferences about a lot of issues.
PS I'm familiar with both rice burners and Harleys. Did some long distance riding in my younger days (not actually driving them myself - except the dirt bike my dad let me have until I got too many burns from the muffler). I remember being amused at the blockades for missile testing at White Sands - totally different treatment when in an 18 wheel truck, in an RV or on a motorcycle. Same people every time but the differences in how we were treated was enormous.
Thanks, Deborah, for stressing an important angle - " Opening up to the possibility that another person may have a thought or a concern worth listening to, instead of immediately judging them on surface characteristics." The general challenge that I touched on in this post is complicated and your second paragraph adds a new dimension. The different treatment you described at White Sands is really amusing if it weren't so true - and I get it.
BTW, I grew up on dirt bikes and it was such a blast.
You have chosen a brilliant metaphor here, Mark. It perfectly clarifies the point that "loyalty to almost any group entails putting on blinders which protect the member from alien thoughts or different ways of thinking." Excellent!
Thanks Sharron
Wow, Mark! Your post and Shannon's both hit my email within 10 minutes of each other today and you both wrote about motorcycles and our interconnectedness. Here's a link to her post today, I love what she writes at her Substack, called Unapologetic Old Bitch, hope you will enjoy it too. I dunno, maybe you already read her.
https://open.substack.com/pub/orangepurpleblue/p/riley-sends-her-love-18?r=8ez20&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
A long, long time ago my boyfriend and I took a trip on a Honda 400 from California to Calgary, Canada for the stampede. You, Shannon and I have a love of motorcycles in common.
Oh, one more thing, one of my sons is a very talented motorcycle tech.
Thanks so much for your comments and for introducing me to Shannon. You are so right. What a coincidence. Motorcycle connections imply a few other connections. Wonderful that you got to take in lots of cross-country on that 400 Honda. Having a son who's a motorcycle tech could sure come in handy - if you're currently riding.
Rabbi Sharon Brous has her first book out, “The Amen Effect”. Many YouTube’s from TED talks and book tour. She discusses “tribal” thinking as a good thing (a congregation caring for one another) and the danger when the tribal walls grow too thick, as in Israel and Gaza. It’s not a new thought: the fate of the race and the planet depend on our making “our tribe” bigger and bigger until there are no walls at all.
So well put Steve. I especially like the "tribal walls grow too thick," way of looking at the challenge we face in moving forward. Thank you for sharing your insight and hers.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH STEVE - for switching over to a paid subscription - It's a tangible sign that what I do has value.
The Superbowl taught us that Kawasakis are mullet worthy: business in the front, party in the back. 🤣
I remember being about 20, and I was in retail. We rented tuxedos as part of it: I HATED tuxes. This was also when everyone was wearing grills. (You know, like how the hipsters wear fake glasses? They wore fake braces.)
Anyway, after a very long day, I was not thrilled to have to deal with yet another highschooler. He had a grill, and a look, and I judged him on my previous experiences.
He turned out to be one of the best people I ever interacted with, and that memory still haunts me, 20 years later.
I don't get out in the world much, but reading blogs and books has shown me the value of knowing both sides. There is still no guarantee I will like or approve of it, but I'm a better person - I hope! - for listening.
Thanks, Joelle. "Judging on previous experiences" - we all do it but becoming more aware that we're doing it is half the battle. The response is protective but trying to temporarily step outside it is always worth a try. Thank you very much for sharing!
Thanks for making this really important point, Mark.
Harleys in my very biased opinion are just louder, heavier and slower than most similarly priced motorcycles. They're like riding in an Oldsmobile. But if you've never been on a large motorcycle, it should be fun. You're only young once. I hopefully will be saying that til the day before I die.
Thank you so much Shannon for your support. Your list of "random" encounters is exactly the kind of surprises that make my day, week or month - especially the type where you met the Trumpster and found so much common ground. I'm certainly glad to have been sent your way by Susan. I look forward to following your writing as well.