What if - We are Just Here to Learn?

My wife and mentor of nearly half a century frequently alluded to life as an opportunity to learn important lessons and she had a clear sense of what her "course major” was. Me, not so much.

Emily’s office window

As we turn the corner toward summer here in the mid-west, I’m left with a lot of gardens that I must tend to, Emily’s actual gardens, but also my personal & figurative ones which are now in disarray. And learn I must. The seeds have been planted and they’re ripe for growth - be it healthy or otherwise.

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Though I’ve appreciated the expertise of a kind friend, as I sort through the plant vs weed conundrum in the literal gardens, I’m still flailing around. And the same could be said for the figurative gardens to which I will now direct my attention. I’ve encountered a very steep learning curve! While I’ve been relatively isolated within a somewhat fantastical marriage, many others have not been so blessed.

In the three months since Emily died, I’ve started dipping my toes into an ever-enlarging pool of other people’s unspoken realities. There’s been a lot of self-pity in this house, and like the clutter, they both get in the way of someone trying to move forward.

While my mind has been swirling with all kinds of memories and various levels of sadness, I’ve been steadied by a trickle of wisdom and hope coming from those I love, and from that “still small voice” within.

I’m realizing that evolving through hard times might entail a certain degree of “expectation management,” both regarding myself and others. Because I’m immersed in my acute suffering, does not mean that the acute or chronic challenges facing those around me get any smaller. And the same grace should be extended to the “stranger” who lovingly steps onto eggshells in an attempt to lighten my load.

“Meeting people where they are,” has also taken on a new importance for me. People of all ages whose paths intersect mine are no doubt dealing with hardships old and new. Life is hard! The less of another’s story that I let in, the more clueless I’ll be as to “where” I can meet them - for their benefit or mine.

I once read something to the effect - We don’t stop living because we get old, we get old because we stop living,” and I’d like to make the case that truly living entails learning. And maybe that is why we’re here.