Emily - a Tiny Tribute to a Wonderful Soul

A few thoughts on my wife, my mentor and hope.

I appreciate every single one of my readers and subscribers, but my meanderings and I have gone AWOL. In retrospect, I trust that you’ll see this as an excused absence. There are so many thoughts that I’d like to share about the remarkable woman I married but to be honest I’m just spent. So, for now, here’s a doctored version of the obituary I wrote honoring my editor, mentor, and most beloved wife Emily

September 5,1953 - March 3, 2025

Emily Lissandrello VanLaeys was born to Eugene and Mary Lissandrello in Nyack, New York. Three days ago, she left the terra firma of Wisconsin for what she termed "The Great Adventure." Through it all, she was remarkably courageous, neither complaining nor thinking of her ten-month struggle with cancer as a battle - "dying is a normal part of life when you've lived as long as I have." And yet she would break down over the discovery of, yet another child lost to violence or abuse.

She spent most of her childhood in Sayville, NY which is a small town on Long Island. It was there that she developed her love of the Great South Bay and eventually any and all bodies of water. Think - swimming, beautiful sun rises, spectacular sunsets, crashing waves and the peacefulness that we experience as we float on our backs in that which sustains us all.

Emily learned to read at a very early age and discovered the power of the written word. She loved exploring different cultures, historical periods, spiritual practices, and the different ways that people understand and experience God. She had a depth of compassion and empathy that transcended borders and the superficial differences that so many of us can't see beyond. Overflowing with love, neither bitterness nor hate ever found a place in her.

She was always a mother, wife and grand-mother extraordinaire, prioritizing family over everything. She was a mentor to her offspring and her husband who has been trying to grow up since they met in Yellowstone nearly five decades ago. Emily was a very humble person but most proud of the two children she and her husband, Mark, brought into this world."

Always curious, Emily never shied away from the deeper realities of other people's stories, be they while reading the pages of “The Diary of Anne Frank” or watching “War and Peace” as a ten-year-old. She was forever changed by those experiences as she divulged in her book “Dream Weaving - Using Dream Guidance to Create Life’s Tapestry.” Over her years in Sayville, NY, Massachusetts, Alabama, Tennessee, Oneonta, NY and finally Wisconsin, she shared her work as a writer, and her unconditional kindness - all along the journey.

There were no "others" in her world. She had a most inclusive view of humanity and nature stressing the connections between all forms of life. Over the past five years, her newest passion was developing pollinator friendly "native gardens", and she reveled in the butterflies and birds which they attracted. She firmly believed that we are all interdependent in countless ways and connected via the loving and incomprehensible God who is within and beyond us.

A recent note to Emily in a get-well card expressed her gift so eloquently - "you have led a life of faithfulness, modeling what it means to live in Christ's light." Anyone who has been blessed with knowing her understands what he meant. I would be remiss if I didn't add that having Emily as my wife was a gift beyond measure. Our marriage was definitely not perfect, but we always made whatever compromises were necessary to ensure that it remained strong. A kiss/ hug and an "I Love You" were accordingly the bookends of each day.

This past September Emily gave me specific instructions on what she did not want people to dwell on after she took leave from this life. In her own words,

"Please don't offer a chronological list of the schools I've attended or the jobs that I've held. That's not what my life was about. My life has been a lesson in love, and I hope that I learned how to do everything in love, whether it was office work, writing, mothering, cooking, gardening or performing weddings. Yes, it was easier to feel love in some moments than others, but love was always my goal." 

In short, I believe Emily demonstrated with her life what a truly fine human being looks like. During her last few days, she made sure to tell us, "I am sorry to be leaving you, but don't weep for me. I've had a good life, and I know it doesn't end when I leave this physical body . . . I look forward to exploring the multiverse beyond this earthly plane." And it is both here and there where she’ll continue to spread her light.