The HUGE Leap between Anger and Joy

A 5 Minute Read and Maybe a Start on That Journey

Apr 07, 2023

I challenge you all to do a small research project the next time you’re in your local Walmart or grocery store. As you trapse down the aisles I’d like you to take notice of the eyes of the people in the oncoming lane - especially the people shopping alone. They’re the ones deep in thought, half-way between the tofu and the Pop-Tarts. More times than not, I think you’ll notice that their eyes never actually meet yours. Whether they do or don’t, you may notice that they’re not very happy eyes.

After you’ve watched maybe fifty people (just kidding) or maybe five, start noticing things like expressions, stooped shoulders, and tones of voices. Maybe it’s just me or we who live in the Midwest, but I’m not seein’ a lot of joy. And there’s certainly no suggestion that we have any local problem with amphetamine abuse. The word zombie comes to mind, but most people don’t have their arms out… hmm?

At one point, I encountered a thirtyish year old guy, not only smiling but also laughing with his young son as he rode on the front end of the shopping cart. I wanted to congratulate him for conveying to his son that life was good and that buying food is pretty cool - lots of people have never even seen a shopping cart full of food, let alone possess one.

Why the Long Faces - could it be related to loss ?

Life has always been hard, albeit to varying degrees, at various times for each person. But those everyday individual challenges don’t just magically disappear just because society is emulating hormone-crazed teenagers. When countries, leaders, and factions act like spoiled brats, always seeking more for themselves, there are no limits to the enlarging spread of misery.

Each of us with access to a screen, receives a constant deluge of fear and anger-stoking information and misinformation. We’re strategically reminded on a daily basis that something of ours is being taken away right now . . whether it’s our jobs, our clean air, our security, our money, our religion, our freedoms, control of our children’s minds, our human rights, our water, or our safety. Politicians and media of all forms make certain that we don’t forget. It keeps them alive with power & riches, but the rest of us divided and angry. And, it’s working for them.

The UNACKNOWLEDGED PROBLEM here, is that energy and anger don’t solve any of these divisive issues. One-sided approaches never produce enduring positive change. Pointing fingers, without doing lots of objective research to identify and then address complex root causes, ends up producing overly simplistic explanations and ineffectual solutions. And those just energize the wagging finger.

Many of the above issues are relevant to each of us at different times. Regardless of their importance, however, focusing exclusively on what we DON’T have, isn’t a winning strategy. I’ve seen countless more genuine smiles on the faces of those playing dominos in the barrios of Latin America, than I’ve seen on the faces of those buying lotto tickets at our finest gas stations.

The Slap and Clack of the Domino Effect in the Bronx - The New York Times

What WE focus on, and where we spend our energy - is OUR Choice!

First a Disclaimer - I am not speaking from experience here, just observations and wishful thinking.

EVA knew what to do with lots of lemons.

Over the years we’ve enjoyed a wide spectrum of people whose houses we could throw a stick at. Eva was one such person and a delight. She was surely a blessing to us and all who knew her, but saintly with a small “s” would also be applicable. She was in fact a devout Catholic, so who knows - she may end up with her own church once the paperwork is completed. She emanated a sense of joy although she lived through lots of hardship. She was level-headed and with very few exceptions, appeared genuinely happy. But it was measured.

We met Eva over the white picket fence between our backyards back in August of 1989. She would have been sixty-eight at the time. I can’t imagine her introducing herself without offering a plate of homemade Italian cookies, but then again, my memory stores sentiments much better than it does facts.

Over the twenty-six years that we knew her, she was always giving. My vivid memories include a handful of sad times at her kitchen table. She would invariably offer something to eat and coffee, whether she was grieving over the very premature loss of her beloved daughter in 2005, or her son roughly ten years later. In between the treats and the tears, she always managed to find something she was grateful for. “I really appreciate you and Emily taking time out of your busy day to come comfort me. . . my friends have all been such a blessing.” Over the course of weeks, the conversations moved outside again and toward more painful subjects like her recent loss and her conversations with God. She was the epitome of authenticity and kindness.

We had very rowdy college kids across the street whose parties periodically kept us awake until the wee morning hours. If I whined to Eva (which I eventually learned not to do), she would respond to the effect - “I’m just glad to know that young kids are having so much fun.” When our dog chewed through her wooden fence, the only rise we got out of her was - “I sure hope Suzy didn’t hurt herself with all those splinters.”

We visited Eva in the nursing home a couple days before she died. As she offered us cookies from a store-bought tin, she told us of how nicely she was being treated, and how God had given her such a wonderful life. I really miss her and so desperately need more of her influence in my life. In 2023, I think we all do.