Stepping Outside our Comfort Zone

To Engage With the "OTHER"

Though I am relatively new to writing, I’ve lived with a published writer for more than forty years. I’ve long admired and benefitted from her wisdom, creativity and gentle demeaner. She is, hands down, my best friend and I can’t imagine why anyone so bright would have married a mediocre guy with so much baggage. In her defense, everyone can make choices they might regret or have their particularly bad days. In Emily’s case, it was neither of these. She just has the uncanny ability to see through the rotten, outside layer of otherwise decent fruit.

Over the years we’ve both drawn encouragement from the societal changes that diminish the obstacles toward a full “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” There have always been marginalized groups with no voice at the table. However, even during this young 21st century, we have seen tiny steps taken toward a better understanding of those outside our norm. And that is a start toward constructive engagement.

EMILY’S JOURNEY OUTSIDE THE HETEROSEXUAL WORLD.

Building Bridges of Oneness : Getting to Know Lesbians

I had my first encounter with lesbians in 1976 when I entered the Women's Literature program at Goddard-Cambridge School for Social Change. I'm sure I had met lesbians in high school and college, but back then most lesbians were still "in the closet." I had no idea what I was getting into when I signed up to share a co-op house with five other women. Four of them were lesbian separatists, and the fifth called herself a "Woman-Identified-Woman." I'm not sure what that meant, except that she sided with the lesbians when they allied against me because my boyfriend (now husband) was defiling the house with his male energy.

    Looking back, I think it's a shame that I hadn't met any non-separatist lesbians prior to this experience. One of them thought it was acceptable to eat my food because she was contributing "good energy" to the household, and one thought it was okay to steal Mark's favorite handmade shirts since he was infringing on her space. The whole group called me into a meeting where I was told that they would all leave the house, sticking me with the rent and utility bills, unless I left and took Mark with me. The women were all holding hands for support while I sat alone as if I were on trial. 

    My co-op mates did not want any male energy in the house, so Mark and I found our own apartment and soon afterward got married. I was puzzled by the actions of the lesbian separatists, two of whom had young sons. I wondered how they would found an all-female society without their little boys. One of them told me that men have always been self-centered and now it was their turn. 

    Many years later, in my work as a celebrant, I performed weddings and a baby naming for some lovely lesbian couples. I learned that most lesbians do not hate men and are perfectly willing to share the planet with males as long as they treat women with respect.  

    If we are to build bridges of oneness with everyone on the planet, we must learn to cooperate with one another rather than separate ourselves from those who have oppressed us. I realize now that the women I roomed with in 1976 had all been hurt by men and our patriarchal society. It didn't occur to them to seek healing and look for ways to change society without expunging half the population. I don't know where these women are now, but I hope that they have discovered that they can be their highest selves while co-existing with males - and maybe even befriending a few men.