Moving Toward the Ties that Bind

A THREE MINUTE READ

Think for a minute about that single person you have connected with, more than anyone else. Now try to pin down what made you love that one individual above all others. Was it their looks, their kindness, their sense of humor, or their intelligence? I dare say your feelings went deeper than any of these.

What endeared that specific person to you? Was it that your thoughts and most sacred values resonated on a substantially deeper level?

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Photography by Julius Drost - Unsplash

The operative word that I’m zeroing in on is “Deeper.” The fibers that hold us together as humans are rarely on the surface, though to the casual observer they might appear so. The Green Bay Packers T-shirt or that green and yellow hat may provide something in common to talk about. But dozens of memories shared about team triumphs will never come close to hitting the same spot as shared stories of being an unemployed single parent or fighting to survive in combat or an abusive relationship. Common life challenges and stories of growth connect human souls.

The deeper the connection, the slower the rejection.

As I look back on the deteriorating relationships within my fold over the years, I have to acknowledge that none of those relationships were well tended. Maintenance had become more challenging, and like a neglected garden, the weeds had overwhelmed the healthy growth of new life. I can offer the excuses that time and energy were in short supply, but to be honest, it was more a case of my priorities. And who amongst us doesn’t benefit from a periodic self-assessment of those?

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The urgency of reversing the trends toward more divisiveness and resultant isolation cannot be overstated. We are obviously limited in what we can control, but we can at least minimize the chances that we’re contributing to the larger problem. Moral integrity, altruism, compassion, and insight should be at the forefront of our political choices in a shrinking world where the threats of intensified division are existential.

We have developed the technological capacity to incinerate millions of people, thousands of miles away, with the press of one button, or be obliterated by the pressing of someone else’s button.

It’s difficult to wrap our head around the fact that the guardians of such weaponry are lumbering around with essentially the same DNA as our Neanderthal ancestors who used rocks as weapons. Layer upon this the fact that many of our world leaders have been exhibiting the same level of moral character as those rocks.

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The Good News is that we could redirect our focus!

The threads that hold us humans together on the deepest of levels transcend the superficial packages that tend to define us. When it comes to aspirations and values, most of us overlap in more ways than we could ever imagine - maybe to the tune of about 80%, per the number I pulled out of my hat.

We’ve been directed via algorithms, confirmation bias, social media, so-called “news,” and narcissistic individuals to focus on the aspects of fellow humans that make us each unique. Driven by audience retention and profits, that uniqueness is presented in the most threatening and hate-provoking manner.

I’m truly convinced that most people are decent and have respectable goals for themselves and their families. Very few would electively choose to step on their fellow humans without the constant prodding of others. I would even venture to say that one-on-one, in a non-frenzied state, most of us would respond admirably to another human in need.

The filters through which we see and interpret life have changed. Those filters not only distort truth, but in the process, convince us to focus on that which we disagree on instead of that which unites us.

Sub stack author Joyce Wycoff, in a recent post, quoted singer-song-writer Amanda Palmer as saying - “when we really see each other, we want to help each other.” I truly believe this. The trick is seeing past the exterior to the interior - where we all look very much alike. With a year and a half of human anatomy under my lab coat, I promise you this is the case.