Don't Fall Prey to a Placid Personality

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Everyone grows better with a good role model. But just like “Miracle Grow,” results are not guaranteed.

LT. Madeline Swegle - The First Black Female Fighter Pilot in 110 years of Naval Aviation to Receive Her “Wings of Gold”

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My wife Emily has kind eyes. There’s a depth of compassion and quite wisdom there. It drew me in decades ago, and it still has me in its grip, today. She has her ups and downs just like we all do. Hers are like gentle waves that drift away, in due time. My ups and downs are more-like the ride you’d expect on the back of a Wave-runner, piloted by an inebriated teenager.

Emily could easily be described as timid by those who don’t know her. She’s soft spoken, reserved, an introvert and is slow to anger. When I say slow, we’re not talking turtle speed, we’re talking fully pregnant snail speed. I’ve gotten more angry reading about social injustice over the past week, than Emily has over her lifetime. She prays, and meditates toward a better world. My modus operandi includes a short prayer followed by endless rantings. That would be when my loving wife cracks the whip one inch from my head - “Mark, can’t you see what you’re doing to yourself ?” Then for a few days or even weeks, I’ll be my better self.

As the mother of our two kids, I’ve so often seen her shine, always doing her best to provide what’s demanded at the time. She’s selfless on so many levels. Though not perfect, she’s truly a wonderful-hearted woman. And she’s well-balanced.

But She Can Also Be Fierce

Two prime examples come to mind. The first is when we were visiting old friends after we moved away, maybe five years earlier. They had gotten a Great Dane, Labrador mutt that weighed in at roughly 160 pounds. The huge dog was not particularly well-behaved and unfortunately had crossed one of Emily’s invisible lines. With unparalleled athletic prowess, she slammed poor “Bucko’s” face with the back of her fist, which happened to be at about her eye level. As it played out in front of me, I was very impressed, but equally horrified at what might have happened to my wife’s beautiful face. Bucko learned what an alpha dog looks like.

The second incident was when we delivered our daughter to the new, very large university, to which she had transferred. As we approached her new dorm room, suitcases in hand, we noticed a small basket hanging from the door knob - and it was filled with an assortment of condoms. We knocked on the door and then let ourselves in. The entire area above her roommate’s bed was covered with pictures of grown-ups doing - let’s say creative things. And there were large letters suggesting that financial remuneration was appreciated if not required.

So we headed over to the housing office at the university with roughly five thousand new incoming students. We waited in line and finally got to the tired looking woman behind the counter. I was just about to speak, when Emily jumped in. “My daughter is a new transfer student here and she is not going to be staying in room 1514.” She said it softly, as a matter of fact. There was no anger, just determination. (I struggle to separate the two). And with zero drama, she was switched to a dorm for honor students.

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I can easily imagine other women I know and especially mothers, acting in a similar manner. Unlike men, most women don’t wear their bravado on there shirt sleeves or carried in a holster. The highest functioning women I’ve known are typically dynamos doing important work without acclaim or yearning for attention. Like my wife, they combine intelligence with a kind and loving spirit, but that doesn’t mean they’re not a force to be reckoned with.